OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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