I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
