I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
