I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
