I'm jealous of your bromance
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
