Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
