If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
