last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
