I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
