dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
