Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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