I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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