I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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