I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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