I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
