Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
