the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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