I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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