I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize