She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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