Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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