I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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