At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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