Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
