who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
