fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
