evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
