i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
