why didn't you poke me back
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
