exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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