our cab driver is having phone sex.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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