woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
