haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
