U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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