halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
