my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
