I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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