just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
