I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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