Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
