I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
