My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
