I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
