So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
