I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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