i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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