forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
