Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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