I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
