I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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