woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
