New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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