she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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