He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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