I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
