508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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