She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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