her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
