Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
