Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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