My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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