Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
